I KNEW today was going to be an ugly day. I went into my closet last night and picked out my best "Flesh" suit. I put it on. Did not know if I could still get into it. It fit like it was made just for me. Then, I began to do the very thing that I had been telling my girl she could not do. I arrived at a conclusion about what she did based upon my values and emotional filters. I was hurt and had no room to accept her heartfelt apology and, just as I warned her she did not have the ability to do, I told her what was really in her heart.
I Cor 2:11 says that I cannot know the heart of another person. That did not seem to be important to me at that very moment. The details are not important. There is no gray area here. I was wrong. I was reminded that I was wrong this morning. My intention was to write about something completely different. But, I was led to read a post I made here over two years ago. The title is Betrayal. It reminded me that satan's most effective weapon to use against me is my emotions.
Here is the bad news...Graduate level Forgiveness is a difficult course to pass. The MOST difficult one, as a matter of fact. It requires complete death of the Flesh. The excuse that God made me with emotions does not cut it in this course. Worse, it is graded on a "Pass or Fail" grading system. Thumbs up or thumbs down.
I failed miserably.
The good news is its that it is the last class! The final test to see if your character is refined enough in the fire of God's Love to possess (not just receive, but hold on to) those blessings that God has promised you. See, the Anointing will only take you to the Promised Land. Character (reflecting the Love of Christ) keeps you there. My tests results show that I would rather stand here and beat somebody up for making a mistake, because I felt wronged and humiliated, instead of giving the same undeserved quarter that God gave to me, through the Blood of His Son, and moving into my blessing.
Father, if there is any forgiveness left for me, I need it now. Not that my actions demonstrate that I really understand Forgiveness. Forgiveness is something that I receive more of, only as I give it away. Help me to not be selfish and hoard that which You have freely given to me.
But wait until after I go and empty out my closet!
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3 comments:
WOW Soldier! That's pretty brave of you, to admit such a fault as unforgiveness. All of us have experienced it one time or another. But thanks be unto our LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ for our redemption. As the song says...He is the God of the second chance! Good reading...and I pray this empowers others as it did me.
This is such a power reading that I had to post it to my daily readers that I email. Having a heart to forgive is all that Jesus asked of us. Jesus paid the ultimate price so that we can be free from all condemnation. We must learn to let GO and let GOD. If we take it personally than we don't allow God to take it personnally. I am sure that he can do a better job than I in making things right.
Perfection comes from being tried and having the dross burned away. Recognizing shortcomings is vital to the process. To continue in this direction is the golden road to ONENESS with God.
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